Monday 31 August 2015

Frosts Chilli Festival - Woburn Sands

Bank Holiday Monday. Those are words to inspire both hope and fear into the hearts of anyone organising a public event in August. Will it rain or will it be hotter than the fire pits of Hell itself? It's always a toss of a coin and although this year we got rain, nothing could dampen my spirits because I knew I would be filling my belly with some delicious, fiery concoctions courtesy of Frosts Garden Centre and their Chilli festival.

And have I ever told you I love Chilli?



Frosts Garden Centre in Woburn Sands plays host to the event every year and spread over three days, I managed to persuade Mrs P, The Child and The Child's Sister to join me at the Mecca of Chilli as I visited on day three. Each day is filled with various events; although I would have liked to have seen a more clear event calendar giving times and days, bands (more on that later) and a Chilli eating contest as well as a huge marquee filled with a smorgasbord of different suppliers and producers. As we drove in through the rain we passed a tide of people walking to and from the entrance  which filled me with the joy that so many other people had braved the weather and turned out to test their Chilli limits.

I took home a few bits and pieces:



and tried quite a few more. Individual reviews will come later but there was some amazing products that I just couldn't resist and some fantastic producers that charmed me into trying something from them; Mushemi Fire, Paul's Pickles, P&D Artisan, Mello Mallo, Saxby's Cider and The Cherry Tree. 

However, we're here to talk about the festival itself and the joys it brought, and what rampant, care-free joys they were too. Please don't under estimate the amusement of explaining to The Child why we were watching grown men measure their todgers in a room full of friends, family and general well wishers by eating digestive tract destroying pellets of pure fire in vegetable form:



It was an epic battle between three leviathans of the extreme, absurd and needlessly painful eating world in which two fell by the wayside but Charles Naylor stood head, shoulders and an amazing beard above the other two contestants to take the admiration of the crowd as well as a disappointingly small cup. Well done Charles!

But pride of the day must be taken by the quite spectacular Mariachi band Beato Burrito, who were, quite frankly a. maze. ing.





Bad photo, sorry but I was too damn busy dancing. Hit after hit from the Bee Gees to One Direction all given a Spanish flavour to go with the peri-peri atmosphere. They had the whole family P up and gyrating, which, if you've ever had the pleasure to experience for yourself, is a seismic experience at the best of times.  

Finally, Mrs P asked me if I wanted to buy a Chilli plant to take home.




I refused being as I was full of pride and the warm Chilli glow, until I got back home and looked at my effort this year. Perhaps I should reconsider.




@beatoburrito
@yomellomallo
@mushemifire
@PDArtisan
@paulspickles
@saxbyscider
@cherrytreechilt

Watch this space...

Monday 24 August 2015

Five Guys - Milton Keynes

I've been blogging now for three years and during that time, I've been invited to exactly zero restaurant openings, special occasions or in fact any kind of review related restaurant event. By a happy coincidence then, when Five Guys opened their latest premises today I wasn't invited to that either. However, as a die hard fan of eating, I inserted myself in their outlet anyway regardless of whether they wanted me to or not. 

We all know that Five Guys do good burgers, but can they bring their magic to MK, and more to the point, should they?




Well, by the time that I managed to shut down the laptop and jump in the car to make it over to the Xscape building it was dreary, miserable and generally unpleasant. Undeterred, we splashed through puddles to see the queue snaking out of the front doors. 




Inside though was a sea of red shirts swarming through the kitchen in an amazing display of synchronised burger flipping, building and serving. The effect was impressively slick and the team members showed no sign of first day nerves so back slaps all round for that. 




The menu is, of course the same but I noticed the addition of shakes that either are a recent addition or something I completely missed the first time around. While the allure of a good shake is hard to resist, at just under £5 a pop, I wasn't feeling flush enough this close to the end of the month, so instead I played it safe with the return of my favourite vanilla cherry Sprite dispenserThe burgers themselves were excellently played, I had ketchup, pickles, peppers and hot sauce which turned out to be a great combo. This time, the burgers were cooked well done as advertised and the chips came in a portion size that would keep Fat Bob from Fatty Town happy. Speaking of the chips, these were significantly better than the Leicester Square ones I'd sampled previously, these were crisp on the outside and fluffy inside with a salty crunch that impressed me. 





It was the noise that really surprised me though, it blasted out a few decibels above comfortable and by the time that I got there, the staff who were shouting out order numbers were a bit croaky having done it for the whole day. It certainly didn't make for a easy dining experience either which is a shame because if I'm dropping eight quid on a cheese burger, then I don't want to feel like I'm being pushed out of the building too quickly.

But that's really just a teething problem and is easily fixed. The end result is that I'm happy to see Five Guys bringing something new and premium* to MK, and this is just another example of London sitting up and taking notice that MK is starting to really make a mark.

Welcome to the neighbourhood Guys.

www.fiveguys.co.uk
@fiveguysuk  


*and by premium I mean it, three burgers, two kids burgers, one regular fries, one small fries and a couple of drinks came in at £47, not exactly small change.

Friday 21 August 2015

Concrete Cow Brewery - Milton Keynes

Ring, ring. Ring, ring.

“Hello, this is the Concrete Cow Brewery how can I help you?"

"Hello, I would like buy some concrete…”



Despite the clue being in the name, the Concrete Cow Brewery regularly gets calls asking if they can supply building materials. “No”, they explain politely, “but we can sell you some delicious real ale or craft beer. It’s very reasonable and made right here in Milton Keynes.”  After being re-educated in using the yellow pages, on this occasion the caller is left not with several tonnes of concrete, but instead, with details of a local shop selling MK IPA, Concrete Cow’s newest brew-up. They also put the phone down confident in the knowledge that supporting a local micro brewery, rather than buying concrete, is clearly the best use of their time and money. “Sometimes,” Dan explains to me, “they do actually buy some beer. So I can’t get too annoyed about it.”

Dan is the owner, receptionist, Master Brewer, delivery driver, warehouse manager, sales manager and PR hurricane that makes up the Concrete Cow Brewery and he very graciously gave me a few hours of his time to ask him odd questions and generally make a nuisance of myself in and around the actual work that he had to do.

After inviting myself along, I found the Concrete Cow Brewery on an industrial estate just round the corner from Bradwell Abbey in MK. The unassuming door hides a unit containing a mixture of crates, boxes, tubs, barrels, kegs, crates and all kinds of shiny machinery that seem very complicated and very expensive. We started our conversation talking about all the processes, as well as the various definitions of beer making and providing a context between real ale (a live beer with yeast, no artificial carbonation and must be pulled through on the pump), a craft beer (can be carbonated and cooled) and a lager (commercial vs the real deal as they are completely different beasts). All of which was seemed amazingly detailed and subtle in application of the definition. Dan found his way through explanations of storage requirements, filtering and levels of carbonation that were both fascinating and bewildering in equal measure but it was when we got onto the subject of the man himself that I really saw who the Concrete Cow Brewery really was.

Eight years ago, Dan got a home brew kit and spent a couple of months telling friends and family that he brewed his own beer. So far, so normal but a couple of months later the words ‘micro-brewery’ entered his life. What? People are actually brewing beer in their house for a living..? Six months later, a delivery arrived:






Eighteen months after that he wanted to shut everything off, sell up and go back to the day job. “You just don’t appreciate the situation when you first sign the invoice, everything went wrong. It was just so difficult, no orders, no money, nothing. I tell all the new boys who come to see me now that they have got to understand what they’re getting themselves into” Dan explains with brutal honesty. You see, being around for eight years means that Dan is now teaching other micro-breweries the tricks, an irony which is not lost on him; “They ask me as if I know what I’m talking about. I keep recipes but sometimes I’ve got no idea what I’m going to do before I do it. They ring me up and ask if they can come over and do a brew with me. I usually say ’OK, so long as you bring a packet of Hobnobs.”

Dan started out trying to rally against the commercial Tsunami of underwhelming and generally tasteless lagers and beers that threaten to submerge you in marketing terms such as ‘cold filtered’ and ‘fresh’, he even has a few choice words to say about the ale drinkers friend; ‘bottle conditioned’ beer. “Bottle conditioned?” he exclaims, “It’s filtered then re-seeded with yeast and sugar, it’s not very authentic, but it is consistent.” And that is where The Concrete Brewery has found it’s place. Genuine effort, bloody mindedness and not a little amount of swearing goes into making sure every drop that comes out of the tank is authentic. Dan knows his product is clean because he can tell you (and show you) exactly what went into (and came out off) every single batch, it’s pure because it’s not filtered.

So now that I’ve spouted off about his mission statement, what is Dan’s beer actually like? Although regular readers will know that I am quite the butterfly when it comes to alcoholic preferences, as I flit, full of poise and grace from beer, to wine to Jagermeister and back again*. We tried his IPA that is proudly being canned on his very new, and very shiny, canning machine.



The beer is light and golden, slightly carbonated and best served cold. At 5% it’s punchy and the hops coming through certainly give the ale drinkers among us something to chew on. The aftertaste continues with a pleasant bitterness that smooths off as quickly as it comes, it’s relaxing, refreshing and pretty much perfect for an afternoon in the sunshine. The head is frothy and aromatic with floral whiffs of a great English country garden, plus, at £10 for a six pack it’s as cheap as any supermarket beer you care to mention. “Value is really important” says Dan, “you can’t compete unless your product is giving value.” To be honest, forgetting the fact that it’s local, the fact that it’s genuinely authentic and the fact that Dan works his knackers off to make it, £1.66 for a beer that tastes like this is not just good value, it’s bloody amazing.

Industry figures tell us that ale is on the rise and organisations like CAMRA are spearheading it’s popularity, but aren't we just replacing one mass produced opinion with another? You will only get product at the supply levels required for the supermarkets if there is a homogenised and clinical manufacturing process. And that’s fine, we can all drink whatever we like. Sometimes I like a cold, fizzy light lager. Sometimes I like a dark, rich pint with a head so thick that I can rest a pork scratching on it and sometimes I want something in-between. But above all, I want to know what I'm drinking and the only way to know that is to find out where, how and who produces it. What I see in the Concrete Cow Brewery is a man on a never-ending mission to produce something that reflects who he is in a glass; sometimes light, sometimes dark but always easy to drink. There is room for lager, ale, craft but regardless of what you drink, you can’t ask for more than a product created in small batches and carefully produced with the sole principle of being what a beer could and should be.

Oh, and he runs a Saturday morning beer shop... go and see him, talk to him and buy some beer. Seriously, buy some beer:

The Concrete Cow Brewery
Unit 59 Alston Drive
MK13 9HB


@concretecowbeer
www.concreetcowbrewery.co.uk





*Or at least that’s the way I like to see myself. Mrs P says that ‘flitting’ isn’t quite right and has suggested words such as ‘lurching’, ‘stumbling’ then ‘crawling’ and finally simply ‘dribbling’.

Tuesday 11 August 2015

The Seacow - East Dulwich

So you've had an awesome sandwich for lunch and now, five hours later you’re in the market for some fish and chips. The Seacow on Lordship Lane certyainly looks the part with it’s iced display showcasing such an array of fish as to make a Cornish trawler-man jealous, but, when we arrived, at 6:30pm of a Saturday night, the place was empty. Totally empty, and I mean utterly, completely, catastrophically empty. Even the hot lamps were… say it with me now… empty.




Not to let something like that dismay us, we blundered on in the hope that we may discover something that the rest of the population of East Dulwich may be missing. All 13,000 of them. Once we had ordered our starters (a pint of prawns and salt and pepper calamari) I can tell you we were certainly missing something. When ordering a ‘pint of prawns’ perhaps I’m being picky but I do have a certain expectation. I would like to receive, for example, oh I don’t know… a pint of bleedin’ prawns?!




Now I’m not sure about you, but I’m fairly good at recognising a pint when I see one, and I can assure you that that ain’t it. I asked our waiter who told me that I had ordered the starter. Yes, I pointed out, I agree. And the starter was called, forgive me if I got this wrong; a pint of prawns. I decided to tweet them this offending picture later on in the evening to quell my smouldering resentment. The prawns themselves were at least tasty if overcooked and freezer-to-fridge cold while the calamari was well executed with a crispy outer and soft inner but prepared in house? Not a chance.




The fish and chips themselves were pleasant with our haddock being delivered with a crispy coating that while it was tasty, thin and very, very crispy, it lost out on something. In fact, the blurb about The Seacow is that it models itself on the Australian fish bars of, well, Australia presumably, but doesn't that miss the whole point of this amazing British traditional dish? As for the fish, I thought it was overdone, Mrs P thought it was cooked well so we’ll agree to split the difference and call it ‘good’. But with good fish the fear is always for a distinctly mediocre chip and I’m afraid none come more mediocre that The Seacow. A chip is a chip unless you can make it otherwise, and if you are looking for somewhere to buy perfectly average, non-descript sliced carbohydrate sticks? The Seacow has got you covered.


In short, I’m sure that The Seacow will have many dedicated followers, fans and general well wishers. However, they certainly weren't in attendance on a Saturday night in August when the care and attention lavished upon our dinner was as painfully abscent as my bloody pint of bloody prawns.

Monday 10 August 2015

Viet Van - East Dulwich

If you haven't tried a Banh-Mi sandwich yet, you're clearly not trying hard enough. I've mentioned the genre before but this weekend I took down two examples at the peak of their power.





The Viet Van is run by a husband and wife team who are fashionistas by day but from Friday night these Vietfans shoehorn enough pork and chicken into the oven as possible, then drive from Croydon to East Dulwich on Saturday morning to sell sandwiches at £5 a pop. Whether you go for the shredded chicken, pulled pork or the tofu (we didn't go for the tofu), the first thing that hits you is how... I've had to pause here because I'm searching for an adjective to adequately describe the taste but there are too many that fit the bill. Instead, here is a list and if you can, please add all these together in your brain and you might get close:

Tangy, zingy, fresh, fragrant, citrus-y, crunchy, soft, warm.

So apart from sounding like a shower-gel advert, this sandwich was packed end-to-end with deliciousness. Which, for £5 is serious value for money. There is additional lime and chilli as options, of course you should say yes to both, and you get the smiles for free.





In East Dulwich for lunch of a Saturday and don't fancy a hotdog? Then the Viet Van is your new best recommendation, try it and you won't be disappointed.

@vietvanlondon

Wednesday 5 August 2015

The Old Thatched Inn - Adstock

When you're about to give up everything you've ever known, move away to a different country, culture, and way of life what is it that you want to remind you of home? What is the defining memory that you want to take with you as you embrace such a different existence? For many of us, it's the roast dinner. The French may ridicule us for it, but you can't argue with the smell of meat, gravy and roast potatoes which brings with it a sense of heritage that makes friends out of community and family out of friends.

No pressure then. 

The Old Thatched Inn at Adstock is well known amongst our foodie friends and had been recommended to us several times over the past few years but we haven't had the opportunity to visit before now, so when Mrs P's brother asked us to share in his last night in the UK before shipping out to pastures new, we could knew we had to find something special.

The evening started well with an absolutely fabulous setting, the pub has been beautifully out-fitted and really looks the part. It's even got a whole wall dedicated to the awards they've won over the past few years.



Impressive, and then they offered me a pint of liquid sunshine, how could I refuse? It was actually called Liquid Sunshine.


Starters were an interesting mix, I had a black pudding salad which came with a poached egg on top, it was lovely and slick with a oily dressing, a deep, crumbly black pudding and crunchy croutons. It was a large portion with a heavy emphasis on the savoury pudding rather than the salad but despite the egg being slightly over, it was a decent start and perfectly pleasant.



Mrs P had courgette fritters which looked super pretty but lacked that certain je ni sais quoi. Perhaps it was the use of breadcrumbs rather than batter, or perhaps it was the small amount of actual courgette that did it but either way, it was OK but not amazeballs.  



In a weird reversal of courses, The Child suspiciously opted for a fruit salad to start. Her plan soon became apparent however as when she finished it all, she immediately announced that she could order extra pudding now that she had eaten so much fruit. I broke the bad news to her gently, but gave her 5/5 for effort.

Mains had to be roast (it was the reason we had come afterall), I had the lamb (as did the brother-in-law), but Mrs P, always one to embrace the unexpected, had pan fried salmon.



Nothing to really complain about here either, Mrs P's salmon and cous cous combo was moist and tasty, it looked good too so she was happy. The roast was perfectly satisfactory if a little short on spectacular, the local lamb sourced from Clays of Buckingham was beautifully soft as expected, the red cabbage twangy and sharp with the yorkshire simply enormous in it's ambitions. There were a few softer points though; the gravy was a touch thin and lacking depth which when coupled with the not particularly crispy potatoes (bad variety choice there I suspect) resulted in a bit of a soggy under seasoned mush by the end of the plate.

Puds were much on the same theme, and as my pana cotta was delivered first I managed to get a snap:



but the lemon posset, the sticky toffee pudding and the banana split remain undocumented as we were mid chat. All were perfectly OK but missing out on that top spot despite the additional touches that had been added. For example, the biscotti and fresh fruit were fine but hardly made in-house and the panna cotta was rich, milky and smooth but had no soft wobble at all. The others were similarly good but not great and left me thinking that the kitchen simply bought in 90% of it all which is a shame.

But still, as roast dinners go, we've had worse and while it wasn't totally stella, it was certainly head and shoulders above the 'two for a tenner' standard that we are all expected to swallow these days. It also provided the required British memory that my brother-in law would be missing for the foreseeable future and I thank TOTI for that deeply. Bon Voyage Toby.

The conclusion then is a solid performance from TOTI but lacking in final finesse, we would certainly go back and it be a great choice for a lazy Saturday afternoon drink and nibble, plus they didn't bat an eyelid when The Child turned up dressed as Ariel, so props to them for that.