Thursday 25 April 2013

Tai Pan - Milton Keynes

Mrs P. and I recently had a Very Good Day and, as a celebration, we decided to visit our favourite, local Chinese restaurant.

The Tai Pan is usually reserved for birthdays or new job celebrations because it isn't the cheapest of restaurants in the local area but it has never disappointed yet. Some time ago, we happen to meet the owner sitting on a nearby table and while, I'm sure he wouldn't recognise us these days but this chance encounter has certainly underlined to us the authenticity of the place. 

Menu items that are simply descriptions of what you get on the plate and a restaurant full of Chinese people are always good signs, particularly when there isn't what you could call huge indigenous Chinese population despite the many Chinese restaurants in the city. 

When we go, we never hold back. What's the point of going to somewhere that you can't really afford anyway if you are going to just limit yourself to a mildly intimidating bill? And besides which, we were celebrating our Very Good Day and money didn't seem much of a problem... as opposed to the  following morning when we tried to balance the dinner out with the rest of the monthly shop. But enough of that, on with the food porn!*





Vermicelli noodles were silky, moorish and I couldn't fit as many in mouth as was demanded by my belly. Although I have been known to Udon on occassion, Ramen and even Soba (don't really like those), I simply can't get enough of the long, thin soy laden delight of Vermicelli.  These were slippery but not wet and laced with spring oinion and beansprouts. This is the dish of the Takeaway taken to heady and delicious heights.


Other dishes to look out for here are the Crispy Garlic Chicken. This was apparently a half portion (half a chicken that is), but it seemed much more. Huge portions make me happy because it equals another re-run for lunch the next day and this kept very well.

Mrs. P. has taken her time to work her way around the menu and recomends SautĂȘed King Prawns with Garlic and Hot Chilli, which was recommended to her by the aforementioned owner who offered to choose her a dish when she failed to manage to do so herself. Despite the name, it is not hot at all and she manages it with ease, it usually gets ordered alongside anything else that we might choose just because, she claims, Mrs. P needs to remember what it's called.

We usually drop about £70/£80 with a couple of beers and tip for the two of us but we think it's worth it. It's highly regarded in the Good Food guide and for great reason. For a celebration or those times that the local takeaway just won't cut it, you won't regret it.

http://www.taipan-mk.co.uk


*Admittedly, it isn't my best work in terms of photographic perfection, but as with most porn, it gets the job done quickly and effectively before leaving you feeling slightly dissatisfied and wanting the real thing.

Saturday 13 April 2013

The Great Recipe Book Challenge of 2013 - April

What is constructive criticism? Is it like getting a slap to the face with a velvet glove? Or perhaps a very helpful push when already jumping from a train? It is only in these very private pages that I can suggest that perhaps I don't take criticism very well. It is only here that I can admit that while totally necessary, I can't always see that people are trying to help. However, as you can see from these previous pages, I don't seem to have the same reservations when offering my own opinions!!

With that self deprecating vision firmly in mind I come to Aprils Great Recipe Challenge. What happens when you follow a recipe and you don't really like the result? Do you blame yourself? Did you do everything right? Perhaps you didn't follow the instructions correctly? Let's find out.



I've had Ken Hom's principle foray into the British kitchen for donkeys years. His Hot Wok has mocked me with it's talk of instant deliciousness and authentic Chinese flavours. Now, Ken the joke is on you, we get to see what you're really made of!

The random number generator gave me Savoury Beef with Asparagus, or in the words of any Chinese Takeaway: Beef in black bean sauce (and added asparagus). And this, I thought, looked pretty tasty. I've already been put off dodgy takeaway Sweet and Sour sauce by experiencing how easy and tasty the home made version can be. This, I thought would be another classic I could add to that stable.




There were a few new ingredients, the black beans were bought as was the rice wine and oyster sauce. While we have Thai food regularly at home, we usually leave Chinese for dinners out which meant I now have enough of the above to make dinners for the next week and little chance of fulfilling that promise. I also splashed out and bought some nice expensive beef. I don't normally buy beef because I'm too much of a tight arse to get the good stuff and the bad stuff is, well, bad.



I soaked the beans as directed that morning and, as is my want when following recipes, prepped everything so we are ready to go. It all started so well; the marinade smelled lovely, the ginger was supermarket fresh and the glass of wine I had on the go was already making life that little bit easier to suffer. Then something went wrong - the recipe stopped making sense, why would you put the beef back in to the wok? Hang-on, one and a half tablespoons of garlic? Even when serving four that is a hell of a lot.






The end result suffered from a few problems, the black beans needed a much more soaking than the back of the packet would have you believe, they were in there for 11 hours but they were still crunchy.  The beef was also ruined. By returning the beef to the wok to add the sauce, it tipped over the edge from meltingly beautiful to chewy and unpleasant. Finally the salt level was off the scale, I know that authentic Chinese cooking often suffers from serious saltiness (I'll tell you my "Hot Pot' story one day), but in this case, 'savoury' clearly meant 'salty'. The soy in the veg alongside the added salt and the salt in the marinade and the final oyster sauce was just too much.

So, the question is. Are these problems resultant from the execution (i.e. me) or does the recipe have a fundamental flaw (i.e. Ken)? I'm going to hedge my bets and say a bit of both. I'm sure that if Ken whipped this up in my kitchen he would be able to balance the sweet rice wine togeather with the salty soy and oyster sauce like the master he undoubtedly is, but I'd be prepared to bet that he wouldn't do it by following the quantities and instructions in this recipe.

Serves 4

Savoury Beef with Asparagus

450g lean beef steak
450g fresh asparagus sliced on the diagonal
3 tablespoons groundnut oil
100g thinly sliced onions
2 tablespoons coarsely chopped black beans
1 1/2 tablespoons chopped garlic
2 teaspoons chopped root ginger
3 tablespoons chicken stock
1 tablespoon Shaoxing rice wine
1 1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoons  black pepper
1 teaspoon sugar
2 tablespoons oyster sauce

Marinade:
2 teaspoons light soy sauce
2 teaspoons Shaoxing rice wine
2 teaspoons sesame oil
1/2 teaspoons salt
1/2 teaspoons  black pepper
2 teaspoons corn flour

Cut the beef into thin slices, put in a bowl and add the marinade. Mix well and leave to steep.

Heat the oil in the wok until slightly smoking, add the beef and stir fry for 2 minutes. Remove the meat and drain. Pour off all but 1 and a half tablespoons of the oil and re heat. When very hot, add the onions, black beans, garlic and ginger. Stir-fry for 1 minute then add the asparagus and continue to cook for 1 minute the add the stock, rice wine, salt, pepper and sugar. Fry for a further 3 minutes and add water if it goes dry. Quickly returnt he meat to the wok, add the oyster sauce and stir well. Turn the mixture onto a platter and serve at once.

Thursday 11 April 2013

What's this? Grape flavoured Fanta? Do I look American to you?


Mrs P. and I recently needed a quick protein fix and wandered through the doors of a well known example of disgraceful Capitalist consumption. And boy was I glad we did. We'll ignore the food on this occasion (you know what a mass produced apparently 'flame grilled' frozen burger tastes like) and move swiftly on to the exciting bit.



Take a look. Interesting right? We took our empty cups and wandered over. Self service drink machines are nothing new but this... this looks like the bloody replicator on the 'effing Starship Enterprise!!



Choose from one of the major names in the Coca Cola stable but that's where the fun really starts. Lime Coke anyone? Raspberry Lemonade? Yes frickin' please!



Look at those options! Until now, there is very little that could get me excited about a glass of Coke but I can only hope that this gets rolled out across the land because this is the future folks, believe it.



I battled through the sugar rush to try as many as possible but even I was beaten in the end. Some of the combinations were great, Peach Sprite or Vanilla Coke. However, I'm on the look out for one closer to home so I can get some serious testing in. 

If anyone of you can get to Guildford while the test is running, I recommend that you check it out. it's a whole lot of fun!

UPDATE:

It seems I'll probably not uncover another one, but I did find this...

http://eatoutmagazine.co.uk/coca-cola-trials-self-serve-drinks-machines-burger-king-restaurants


Thursday 4 April 2013

Auberge De Cendrillon - Disneyland Paris

Imagine for a moment that you are a six (and a half) year old girl, whose life revolves around the next pink, sparkly Princess dress that you can get your hands on that can be accessorised by pink, sparkly Princess shoes.

Imagine that you were taken to the castle where several of the Princesses that you know from the stories you have read about, live. I mean, the real, actual Princesses. Where they really, actually live. You can see them, they wave at you, they smile and all is well with the world.

Then imagine, that you got to go to dinner in Cinderellas house. The real, actual Cinderellas real, actual house. Think that you have reached the pinnacle of excitement? Not even close my friend, because what's this? Who is that coming in through the door? It isn't, it can't be, it is, it's the real, proper, actual, Princess Aurora! And Cinderella! And Belle! She isn't, she won't, she is, she is coming here, she's talking to you! Actually talking to you! Fainted yet? Exactly.

Oh yeah, we should be talking about the food. To be fair, the food looked good but suffered horrifically from such Frenchification with rich, heavy sauces and a menu which promised much but sadly in the end simply couldn't deliver. I think that the world has moved on from plates like this and considering the price of the whole shebang, you would think that the expectation should be considerably higher.







Starters were deliciously named yet remarkably unexceptional eating. My quail stuffed with truffle would have probably been delicious if I had been able to detect any truffle and in my opinion the term 'stuffed' should not be used when discussing pate! Mrs P.'s pumpkin soup was thin and bulked only by the enormous freaking pie crust that had been mysteriously placed on the top!




Mains (in order) were veal, scallops and salmon but all were heavy and a real effort to power through. Mrs P.'s veal was huge, over cooked and the gravy was so sweet that it was almost caramelising on the plate, my scallops were cooked perfectly but the cream and white wine sauce was so thick that it coated my cutlery like a buttery tar that threatened to suck me in  everytime I tried excavate a mouthful. The best dish on the table was The Child's salmon parcel, not least because the sauce was on the side. The fish was nicely cooked, the filling was a great balance of tangy mustard and creamy butter, plus the filo was a great crunch.



Puddings were a cacophony of chocolate. See that shoe? Solid white chocolate. I thought it was a little excessive too. The raspberry tuile was a nice counterpoint though and actually really tasty. Otherwise, it was chocolate mousse, chocolate discs, chocolate cake and chocolate shoes.

Oh, and the price. For three of us, well, for three diners plus the personal companionship of three of your favourite Princesses, how much would you pay for the phrase 'Wow Daddy, this is the best holiday EVER!'? Priceless, right? 

No.

Very much not priceless. Disneyland can apparently put a price on that for you. Try £180 plus drinks. Oh and you also have to put up with the room full of Americans that are busy claiming what good value this place represents, and how they just HAD to order to champagne (at €150 a bottle), you know, because otherwise it just wouldn't be authentic.

Still, The Child appreciated it, which is good as it will be the only holiday she'll get for the next twelve years, while we recover.

Buffalo Bills Wild West Spectacular - Disneyland Paris

For a while, we've been planning to take The Child to Disneyland Paris and this Easter we got the opportunity to do so. 4 days in the most commercialised example of fake tat on the continent it may be, but I have to be honest and say that not only was I looking forward to it, I was a little excited!

As this is a food blog, I had thought to document the meals and discuss their merits, however, upon reading the many and various reviews online, it seems that in terms of merits, there would be be few to be found at all. In order to salvage something from the compromise I resolved to test and expose the culinary disasters as a lesson for us all.

First, a small caveat - Mrs P. and I decided that as the food within the park was so outrageous (€4 for a stick of candy floss and €3 for a bottle of coke for example), that we would take a pack-up lunch each day. At first glance, not a hard-core food lovers course of action I hear you shout. However, let me assure you that it is only because I am the aforementioned food lover that a pack-up should be the only acceptable course of action. Not only to save a bloody mint, but you at least have an understanding about what you are eating. With the park offered burgers and hot-dogs, it is cutting close to the wind to say otherwise.

Right, on to Buffalo Bill. This takes the form of an 'evening of entertainment and dining'. You are shepherded into rows, each seat with a plate, bowl and drink. The drinks were all free but the offerings limited:

Cheap lager
Flat coke
Water

Honestly, after a day of wandering around Eurodisney, any beer is good beer and I finished the first glass and asked for a second before the server had moved out of shouting distance (and you better believe that when beer is involved, I can shout a long way). Still, Mrs P. and I both thought that wasn't too bad considering the amount of people they were contending with.




The adults had a bowl of cowboy chili to start while the child went straight on to the main course to save time. Mrs P. is not a fan of chili at the best of times and when the first kidney bean passed her lips, she passed the bowl on to me. I had a good go, but to be honest the bean to bowl ratio was too high even for me and conscious of the farty party that was going to go down later in the hotel room, I stopped before the end. To ease the chili transition, we were also given corn bread which was very sweet but tasty. I think it would have been much better if the chili was hotter, both in terms of temperature and taste.



Following the chili, was a massive plate of protein. Two pork ribs, a sausage, a chicken leg and a load of potatoes. Clearly anything green was just not authentic. All the meat was well cooked but coated in a thin, what I assume was, BBQ sauce. I wasn't a fan but it did at least provide some much needed moisture. This was not going to help with the bum rockets later on but I was hungry and it couldn't be avoided.

Pudding was ice-cream and apple pie. Quite nice to finish off, it did it's job well but with no spectacular cinnamon twist.

The show was really good. Audience participation was constant and the plate/bowl/cutlery stood up to the really rather significant battering I put it through in an effort to make as much noise as was humanly possible. needless to say, The Child loved it, which is the point really but with all the horses, cows, buffalo, Indians and Cowboys the food was simply a fuel for all the hollerin' and awhoopin'. At €170 for two adults and a child, it sure as ship ain't cheap. And if you pay £45+ per head for dinner at home, you could perhaps expect a lot more than we got, but hell, Mickey was there and you got a free hat so stop your complaining.