Working Lunch - M&S

I was recently involved in a car journey with a colleague during which I purchased the following from a motorway service station:

Just to be clear, this post is not about the so-so quality of the sushi, with their generic taste and unfortunate chewy texture. Nor is about the inexplicably soggy pork rolls, with their watery taste, dripping wet contents and an icy temperature that put my fillings on DEFCON two for the following hour. 

No, this post is all about the purple, innocent seeming bottle that sat alongside several others on the shelf. As we all know I do like to try new things and I'd never heard of Acai berries before so decided to give it a go. I cracked the top and took a gulp. Mmm, it seemed very pleasant. I wouldn't go so far as to say it was going to be a favourite but it certainly didn't give me any hint of the perils to come.

I showed my colleague the bottle with some interest and she recognised it immediately for she knew of the Acai's secret power and the story she proceeded to tell, filled me with dread. She explained that several months before her marriage last year she decided to supplement her diet with Acai as she understood it could help with losing weight. And in fact it did indeed aid in allowing her to enjoy that special day with confidence and a svelte figure.

But.

As she came to the end of her story, she seemed to remember something else. Something darker. She started to mumble as I drained the bottle and remarked with characteristic understatement that it 'wasn't too bad'. I thought I heard something but surely I must have been mistaken. Clearly I had misheard because this unremarkable bottle could not have the impact that was being described to me. The Acai berry it seems, does many wonderful things to your metabolic rate but it also generates whizzy pop pops of biblical proportions.

So, the story finishes and I mentally recap. I was stuck in a 2 foot by 4 foot metal box for the next 3 hours with a work colleague having just drunk a fart potion. Uh oh. I decided that attack was the best form of defence and floored it. By the time we got home, my pelvic floor was being tested to the absolute limit of its sealing ability and the roundabouts of Milton Keynes were not helping. By this time, my colleague had her own bladder related issues which only increased the severity of the situation and as I screamed round the corner and parked up, we were out of the car and into the safety of (respective) toilets faster than a... well, lets just say we were fast.

So, would I recommend the Acai berry? That very much depends on three things; first, do you like the taste? Second, do you want to lose weight? Third, do you fart in public? If you answer yes to all those questions then go ahead and fill your boots, but I'll just have an orange juice if you don't mind.